I went back to the doctor on Friday after nearly two horrible weeks of waiting and worrying. Luckily the worrying turned out to be for nothing. I got to see a very healthy teeny-tiny heartbeat and a yolk sac. The doctor said you only see them in healthy pregnancies and I have nothing to worry about at this point, except gaining too much weight. I knew I was probably gaining weight, but pretty surprised myself to see exactly how much. I need to find a new way to fight off morning sickness I think. Luckily I’m not vomiting, but I do feel nauseous most of the day, and eating really helps. I think I’ll try chewing gum from now on. Maybe that will help.
It’s really interesting to see the ways that my body is changing. There haven’t been that many major changes yet really, but my boobs are getting much bigger! They were fairly big to begin with, and if they’re going to get much bigger, I need to get some bigger bras! I can’t wait until the baby pops through my stomach though! I will probably be tired of it after a month, but right now I’m really looking forward to it. I want to remember all these feelings! I feel much different now than I did when I first found out. I was in serious disbelief when I first found out. Being pregnant was something that happened to my friends and other women, not me. And now it’s happened to me. It still feels a little unreal. Maybe that’s why I’m looking forward to my stomach sticking out. Then maybe I’ll finally have a greater sense of being pregnant.
I go back again on Friday next week. Hopefully Akinori can be there and he can see the baby moving himself. I’ve talked to lots of men with kids about this, and they all say that they don’t really feel any sort of reality about being a father until the baby is actually born, and then it all of a sudden hits them. Considering Akinori and I live so far apart, it must be even more true in his case.
I really don’t want to leave Osaka, but I’m really looking forward to finally being able to live with Akinori. Walking around Osaka today there were all these couples and families. It made me feel really lonely, and really miss Akinori. I really shouldn’t spend my time feeling like that though because I only have another 6 months in Osaka and it’s just going to fly by so I should enjoy every second I have left!