Monthly Archives: October 2009

Grounded

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I’m grounding myself from blogging and from reading blogs and Facebook for the next few days at least, and possibly weeks. I have a HUGE translation project going, and I’ll never make my deadlines if I keep screwing around on the internet at night when I should be working. The work isn’t hard, just tedious and long. I can’t complain though because it is sorely needed cash. I’m also performing at my BIL’s event on Saturday, and I am so not prepared. So in the hours that I’m not working on the project, I should really be practicing for Saturday. So at the very least, I’m grounding myself until Sunday. Okay before I get carried away and start writing a novel about why grounding myself is absolutely necessary, I’m going to get in the bath and then go to bed. When I’m off my grounding I’ll elaborate a little more. See you in a few days folks!

No jury (of mothers) in the world would convict me

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The DH and I are trying to get over a tiny bump in the road at the moment. At least I think we are. He’s so clueless I’m sure he hasn’t thought twice about how frustrated I am with everything at the moment. It happens every so often though. We’ll have a patch where we just cannot stop fighting. Maybe it’s just us, but I suspect that this is marriage. Maybe not all marriages, but definitely ours.

The whole flyer business just fucks me off beyond belief. Next time I need something done I’m not going to be cheap about it, I’m just going to ask a professional. I should have done so right from the start. Thank goodness he finally sent off the copy this morning. The flyers should arrive on the 28th, so plenty of time for my show on the 31st, but still he was so slow about getting them done, and so petty when I wanted to give my opinion about something. It’s MY bloody belly dance school for christ’s fucking sake! If I had just gone to a professional I could have told them what *I* wanted and given them *my* opinion on whatever I wanted. You live, you learn. Done.

Then today I’m waiting around to take a shower this morning for him to watch Sara. He says he’ll do it after he sends off the copy. Fine. It takes him 10 bloody years to do this! Why? I don’t know. Because it takes him 10 bloody years to do freaking everything! It was because he had done something funky to the file and couldn’t get it to open. Of course he’s too proud to say anything to me and just continues to putter around FOREVER on his own, so when I went back to find out what the hell he was doing, and fixed the problem in 2 minutes, he was less than impressed. (*I* was less than impressed!) And he starts muttering about his horrible headache. (I’ll give you a horrible headache!) I asked him to feed Sara while I was in the shower, and he starts in with “you didn’t feed her yet?!” I fed her breakfast, and gave her boobies at least twice since breakfast, and I feed her every other freaking meal during the week! I think on weekends, he can feed her lunch while I am in the shower since the reason I am taking a shower at lunchtime is because he was fucking around on the computer forever! So I just yelled back as I was getting in the shower, “She’s your daughter too! Take some responsibility!” Then I turned my ears and brain off because I was getting close to grabbing a heavy object and charging back into the living room.

We finally get out of the house and actually have a rather lovely afternoon. We went to his parents house to pick something up and took their dog for a walk. That was nice. Did a little shopping and then go to drop off the presents I brought back from America for his friends who had twins back in April. Sara had just fallen asleep in the car after a short tantrum in her carseat, and we were just going to drop off the presents as Akinori had more stuff he wanted to get done. Not going in the house or anything so when Akinori asked if we should wake Sara up, I told him definitely not.

A: “But she’ll go right back to sleep.”
Me:”Not without a lot of tears, and I don’t want to go through that again, and I don’t want to put her through that. It’s not fair. She’s tired and wants to sleep. How do you feel when I wake you up?”

I don’t know about you, but I hate it when my daughter cries, for a variety of reasons, but mostly it makes me sad to see her sad. If I can prevent her from being sad, then I would like to do so, within reason anyway. I have no intention of spoiling her and buying out Toys’R Us to please her, or anything like that. But not waking her from a much needed nap? I think that’s the least I can do.

So the husband comes out and gets the presents and says to wait a minute, he’ll be right back. So he comes out with his wife and one of the twins, the other one is SLEEPING! So Akinori decides we should wake Sara up after all and pulls her out of the car. His friends are even telling him, “Oh don’t do that. The poor thing is sleeping so soundly.” Bastard! So Sara wakes up in a good mood and is all smiles and giggly, but she rarely wakes up in a bad mood, so I’m not surprised and still not convinced that she’ll go back to sleep without a fuss. Of course the moment we get back in the car the screaming starts up again, and doesn’t stop until we finally get out of the car. At least it stopped.

We made one more stop before going home, and Sara slept the whole way home in the car. It was already 9:30 by the time we got home, and she didn’t wake up when we brought her inside, which meant that she would have gone down for the night if we left her. Of course Mr. Smarty Pants decides that now that she’s asleep it’s the best time to grab a pair of tweezers and pull out the monster booger in her nose that she won’t let us get anywhere near. I begged him to leave her alone this time, and that I would deal with it tomorrow when she woke up. But no. My pleas fall on the deaf ears of Mr. Mom who knows best when it comes to raising children and especially his daughter.

Of course the moment he gets within an inch of her nose, she wakes up. And this time she’s full of energy. Crawling and shrieking and chasing the cat and happy to be awake and alive. Great! Is Dr. Spock planning on taking responsibility for his actions? Don’t be silly! He lays down on the floor and makes a half-assed attempt at getting Sara to lay down with him before he FALLS ASLEEP! I’m beyond pissed off now, and leave Sara to crawl all over her dead-to-the-world father while I go and change into my pajamas and warm up the bedroom so we can go to sleep for real. I come back downstairs to find her sitting practically on top of his head surrounded in bum wipes. SURROUNDED! Granted I stupidly left them within her reach, but did he not feel the cold wetness on his arms? Because they were EVERYWHERE I tell you! So he wakes up to my shrieks of displeasure and is all in a muddle about what is going on. Figures it out, tells me it was my fault for leaving them where Sara could get to them because he’s sleeping and has no clue. Well, he’s right about the not having a clue part. I admit that it’s partially my fault, but surely we have passed the point where I need to accept blame for any goings-wrong much, much earlier in the day, because if we’re going to start attaching blame to all of the events of the day, let me tell you, the scales are not balanced at the end of this day.

So in light of the recent events, if I were to cause bodily harm to my husband, I can’t imagine there are many mothers out there who would actually convict me of any crime. Sooooo tempting!

Never ever again!

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I’m NEVER EVER EVER EVER asking my husband to do anything flyer related for me again. EVER!! I have learned my lesson. End of story. Just had to get that off my chest as I am totally and completely frustrated with him! Shoot me now! I cannot listen to another one of his goddamn excuses. Times like these make me question my sanity when I said “I do”. AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Pain in the Boob

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Ouch ouch ouch! I woke up yesterday morning thinking that it was probably a good idea to go to the “Mommy’s Room” at the hospital where I gave birth to get an oppai (boob) massage because my boob was hurting in that oh so familiar “this isn’t going to resolve itself without professional intervention” type of pain. I’ve been stopped up 5 or 6 times before enough to need a massage, and only once had a fever and been put on meds for it. As luck would have it two of my three Thursday afternoon belly dance students had already canceled the day before, and the third canceled that morning. That put an end to my wondering whether I should get an oppai massage or tough it out and hope that Sara eventually sucked out the pain.

When I called Mommy’s Room shortly after waking up I wasn’t feeling that bad, but by the time I left home my joints were aching and I could tell a fever was coming on.
I had my massage and got some meds and then called Akinori because I was feeling so bad at that point I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the rest of the day with Sara. By the time I got home, which is only a 10 minute drive, Sara was sound asleep and I was seriously contemplating sitting out in the car with her until Akinori got home because I didn’t feel strong enough to carry her into the house. But the chills were getting the best of me and I decided that I needed to pull together the last of my strength, get us in the house, and get under some blankets.

I was glad that Akinori was coming home, but I wasn’t too confident that he would actually be any help in looking after Sara as he mentioned on the phone that he has yet to finish my flyer (more on that later). I thought he would use me as an excuse to leave work early and then go off on his own agenda as he’s been known to do in the past. (grumble grumble) Surprisingly enough though, he actually came back, packed up all of Sara’s stuff and whisked her off to his parent’s house. I got to go back upstairs and have another 2 hours of good sleep! I still felt like crap though when I woke up, and for the rest of the night my head was pounding so hard I wanted to poke my own eyes out. It felt like something was trying to fight it’s way out by pounding through my eyes and then the back of my head alternately. Ouch ouch ouch!

Luckily I woke up this morning feeling much better, though not quite 100% yet. Akinori stayed home until 12:30, though I’m not sure how much help he really was. He did go out and get breakfast while I was sleeping. Sara was napping on the floor when he left too, so he left the living room gate open. I was still sleeping when he got home, but Sara had woken up and crawled off without making a sound, and Akinori found her in the genkan, on the floor, playing with shoes. Good thing she can’t walk yet. He started giving me crap about not watching her, but he knew I was sleeping when he left, and that I’m not feeling well, AND all he had to do was close the gate when he left and there would have been no problem whatsoever. He can be such an ass sometimes.

By the time he left for work I was feeling a lot better. Just a little bit of a headache, but nothing compared to what was going on in my head the night before. I definitely wasn’t feeling up to going anywhere though so Sara and I stayed in all day. Poor girl. She was going out of her head by the time daddy came home at 4:30(!!) Talk about a slacker! I made Akinori take Sara with him to go to the conbini and get us some dinner cause there’s no way I was cooking tonight, and she definitely needed at least a few minutes out of the house.

Akinori then kept saying, “okay after this I’m going to the computer room to work on the flyer until xx o’clock.” And he kept saying it as it got later and later until he finally went. I wanted to bug him about it so badly, but I am so tired of bugging him to do shit. Aaaarrrrggghhh! Why oh why oh why oh why can he never get anything done in a quick and timely manner? I am a fairly good procrastinator, but he is definitely the king, emperor, and grand duke of procrastination. AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!

This flyer I keep talking about is a flyer for my belly dance classes. Way back in June, when I first started teaching, I spoke with the owner of a chain of Indian restaurants about dancing at his restaurants. He said that he would be happy to have me dance there, but to give him some flyers first. So I went straight away to Akinori’s friend who cuts my hair because I know he’s a photographer as a hobby and asked him to do my hair and make-up and take some quality photos for me. Akinori said that he would make the flyer on his computer (since he had convinced me to buy Photoshop and Illustrator way back in April and they cost a mint, and I don’t think he’s used them for anything he said he would yet-that’s a rant for another time).

So first Akinori promises to have the flyer done by the time I leave for Chicago at the beginning of September. That didn’t happen because I had a lot of work come in during August that I needed to finish before I left and Akinori needed to watch Sara at night meaning he couldn’t get on the computer until she fell asleep, and he usually fell asleep with her. Fine. He then promised to have the flyer finished by the time I got back from Chicago. For one whole month he had the house to himself to work undisturbed and uninterrupted! Granted there were a lot of things he needed to get done around the house while we were gone, but there’s no reason he couldn’t have gotten them all done, including the flyer. Of course I get back and he hasn’t even started it. So unimpressed!

I get back from Chicago and my BIL is DJing at an event on Halloween and invites me to be the entertainment for the evening. I’m not getting paid for it, but it’s a great chance for me to advertise and gather students and get the word out that I’m available to perform at parties and events, etc. I won’t be performing for free forever and I figure I need to make some compromises to really get this off the ground. I definitely want, no NEED, to be able to distribute flyers at this event! If I want that to happen, the printer needs the copy today, of which there are two hours left. At this very moment Akinori is sitting in front of his computer still working on the flyer. Aaaarrrgghhh!

Good food and fall leaves (in the dark)

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Well it wasn’t me who slept in until 10 this morning. I was up at 9:30! But the other two sleeping beauties didn’t wake up until a little after 10. We are a very slack household, every single one of us. I was kind of surprised Akinori actually slept that late. He’s usually the first one out of bed and downstairs doing whatever unproductive thing that he does until Sara and I wake up. At least it wasn’t ALL my fault we didn’t get an early start on the day. That’s what’s important here.

Today was Sara’s 10-month birthday, so we took the same photo we take every month on her birthday, ate the bentos that MIL bought for us yesterday for breakfast, took showers, and were finally out of the house just before 3! (We take our slacking seriously!) We didn’t really have a destination though because in order to go see autumn leaves, like we discussed yesterday, we needed to leave the house much earlier to get anywhere before it was freezing cold outside or dark. A friend of Akinori’s was working at some food show at Big Hat over the weekend, so we decided to stop by there and see what it was all about.

Well surprise surprise, it was all about food! Basically samples of all the yummy things that each prefecture around Japan is famous for. We got some yummy fried chicken wings from Nagoya, and some lamb and sausages from I don’t know where. Akinori got some noodles from somewhere else and we bought some mango sherbet thingies and some frozen strawberry dessert thing and they were all, you guessed it, YUMMY! But incredibly, ridiculously expensive!! We would have been better off going to a nice restaurant and having a sit down meal. But who can say no with all that delicious food just staring you in the face, and the stall workers passing out yummy samples. And the most deadly element of the combination: a husband with absolutely no idea of what the words self restraint mean, especially when it comes to food. My poor wallet never stood a chance.

So when we left completely broke there weren’t a lot of options for how to spend the rest of the day. We decided that even though the sun was just about to set, we would head off to the mountains anyway and have a nice little drive and if we made it in time to see something, even better! Well we didn’t make it in time to see any leaves, or the sunset, but we had a really lovely drive through the mountains. We did see a fox run out across the road in front of the car, which was exciting. Mostly it was just nice to have about 2 hours of uninterrupted time to chat with Akinori. We haven’t had that kind of time just to chat, in ages!!

Before Sara was born, on weekends we would see each other, and then when we finally moved in together, we would lay in bed chatting before falling asleep for hours sometimes. Now I think we’d both rather sleep while we have the chance, and especially with Sara sleeping in our room (between us most of the time), we dare not chat for fear of waking her up and prolonging our own chance at sleep even longer. It was really nice though, and we didn’t fight once. Although I have now probably cursed myself and tomorrow we will have a knock-down drag-out argument. But today we are all love-love.

The subject of our future home came up a lot. We really want to build a home sometime in the not-so-distant future I am hoping. This last trip to Chicago made me really, really want my own home. If we have to rent, I’m very, very happy with where we live now, but this would certainly not be my first or second or even 30th choice of a house to buy. The location of our current house would definitely be my 1st choice, but then the conversation starts to get confusing. I just want my house! I don’t even care if I have to be in debt the rest of my life at this point, which is something I never, ever thought I would say. But having a house that you love is worth it I think. After all we don’t have any plans of ever living in the States, and that’s not even an option for at least another 30 years or so. I want my house! I decided that starting January 1st I’m going to get really serious about a strict savings plan.

After we got home we watched the movie “Seven Pounds”. I didn’t know exactly what it was about, but I knew it was a tearjerker, and it definitely jerked more than a few tears from both me and Akinori. It was a really good movie though, but Akinori said that he never wants to watch it again. The subject matter was just too heavy for him. Fair enough.

I’d better get off to bed as I really do have to be awake before 10 tomorrow because Sara and I have our yoga class in the morning. Good night!