I’ve been meaning to update since the fight got resolved (two hours after I posted last), but just haven’t gotten around to it. I really am crap at this blogging thing.
Anyway, after fighting Akinori went into the back room to use the computer. While he was gone I wrote my blog post, and just as I was about to bring Sara back to him because it was getting harder and harder for me to fight back the tears, he emerged. So I handed the baby off and stormed upstairs and got into bed. I called my homestay sister in Kyushu, because she is the closest thing I have to a real sister and I really needed someone to talk to. She’s so awesome. I’ll go on about her another day though.
While I was crying to my sister on the phone, Mr. Clueless came upstairs, turned on the lights, and is all surprised and says “what are you doing? I thought you came up here to straighten up”. (We’ve finally gotten around to straightening up after moving 6 months ago.) So I hang up the phone and explain to him that I would like him to spend the night somewhere else. He says “okay, but why?” Because I’m so fucking angry I don’t want to share the same breathing space with you! That’s why! He said “Okay, but I can come back tomorrow morning, right?” I tell him I don’t know yet which leads to me completely breaking down. I finally got it through to him how completely insensitive his comment was and that any comments regarding my Japanese ability, especially when we’re fighting are totally below the belt and not allowed, at least not until he can put together a full sentence in English.
Various other points of contention came up and we talked them through and in the end everything is fine, and we spent the rest of the week happy and in love. Yeah! This is a very good thing since lately, I know I’m totally insane for thinking this, but I cannot stop thinking about getting pregnant again. I’ve even been having dreams about being pregnant again.
Our original plan was 4 kids, each 2 years apart. Right after I had Sara and for the following 8 months, I was thinking that maybe 3 years before number 2 wouldn’t be so bad. Then I don’t know what happened, but I started thinking maybe it would be okay to try from March so that the 2nd kid would be at least 2 years younger. Then we started talking about waiting for Sara’s birthday (which is quite unbelievably next week!), and now I just don’t care, I want a baby!
I’m not sure why I am so keen on being pregnant again, especially when I think about all the negative things about being pregnant and having children, and especially very young ones, and how much I miss my pre-baby life. But since there’s obviously no going back now, maybe somewhere inside I have come to terms with that fact and figure, in for a penny, in for a pound (is that the right phrase?). I have never wanted to be pregnant so badly though. Not even before I got pregnant with Sara. It’s like an illness! My sister thinks that maybe what I’m feeling might be Sara’s own desire for siblings. Who knows what it is, but watch this space for further developments on the subject!