Monthly Archives: June 2011

Oops I did it again


I neglected my blog. Sorry blog! Sorry readers! (because according to my stats page there are still amazingly enough at least a few people who check this blog every day!) But that’s not really what the oops is about. It’s about my shithead brother.

But before I go into that, a huge THANK YOU to everyone who commented on my last post! Your comments really made me feel so much better about everything. Things in the milk production department are much better, although Amelie is still not gaining weight like she should be. I’m not sure why and neither is the midwife, but at least we know that it’s not because I’m not producing. The midwife even said that Amelie is a happy baby, she has lots of wet diapers, she’s on target or early with all of her milestones, and she is not officially underweight, so nothing to get my knickers twisted about, and if I were a friend of mine listening to me telling me the exact same thing, I would tell me there is nothing to worry about. So much harder to do that when it is happening to your own child, but I am going to do my best to not let it worry me until there seems to really be something to worry about.

I suppose the whole reason I haven’t been blogging is that there really hasn’t been that much to blog about. No exciting news or anything, and although Amelie pretty much sleeps through the night, I still wake up exhausted EVERY day! Seriously I don’t know the last time I felt well rested, but I think that is just a part of being a mom to two small children. So I try to nap when I can, but Amelie is a crap daytime sleeper. She’ll only sleep for 20 minutes at a time or so, unless I am laying down with her, which is fine by me most of the time because I want to sleep too, but it means there is not a lot of time for me to blog without ignoring her.

So about my shithead brother. I’m not sure that I mentioned he didn’t send anything when Amelie was born, and I don’t mean a present, I mean an e-mail, a card, any recognition at all that he had a new niece.  In all fairness, all I sent was an e-mail to him congratulating him on the birth of his daughter when she was born last August, and had to hear about it through my parents. Not even an e-mail to say his wife had given birth. And then I sent him a separate e-mail telling him I was done making any effort because I was the only one doing it, and I am sick of the way he treats his family and blah, blah, blah and somehow he never got it. When I was in Chicago last year, my mom made me speak to my brother on the phone which was the most awkward 10 minutes of my life.  I made no effort after that to keep in touch.

Then March 11 happened and my brother e-mailed me all worried.  So I e-mailed him back to tell him I was okay, and he never got that e-mail either. But for some reason I allowed that e-mail to give me hope that my brother actually had an interest in maintaining a relationship with me and my family. So I e-mailed him on his birthday, which was Father’s day, to wish him a happy birthday and Father’s day (despite the fact that my birthday came and went a month earlier without any contact from him), and I mentioned again that I thought it would be nice if his children could grow up knowing their only cousins, which can be achieved through Skype, and I also attached the latest family photo we took and said that I would really like to see a recent photo of his kids. The last photo I saw of his daughter was on a blog his wife started writing when she was born and hasn’t updated since the baby was 2 months old. She is now 10 months old. That is the last photo my parents have seen of her as well. My nephew will be 4 in August and I haven’t seen a photo of him since well before he turned 3. I also mentioned that I have been living in Japan nearly 14 years now, and wouldn’t it be nice if they came to visit me, just once. Awhile ago when we had the same discussion, my brother’s excuse was that I never visited them in Arizona, so I went and visited them when my nephew was born. The trip was pretty awful for me as they are the most socially clueless people in the world. I didn’t expect anyone to cook for me, or even offer me a glass of water, considering my nephew was still only about 5 weeks old, BUT most of the time all 3 of them holed up in the bedroom so I spent a lot of time alone watching TV in the living room or reading in the guest room. I nearly missed my flight to Chicago because my brother was supposed to take me to the airport, but was holed up in the bedroom for so long that I had to finally knock on the door and tell him that if he wasn’t going to come out, could he at least call me a cab.

So I know they have no social skills at all, but I stupidly continue to carry this flicker of a hope that my brother has some desire to maintain contact with his family. His response was something along the lines of “Thank you. That’s a nice photo. We can’t come to visit you this year because our new house will be finished in late July, but you’re always welcome to visit us.” Maybe I’m reading more into the whole response than I should, but there was no mention of, I’ll send you a photo soon, or later or I’ll get onto the Skype thing right away because it really would be nice for our kids to grow up knowing each other.  And what is this about their house being finished in July? I had no idea they were even building a house. Wh They just finished remodeling their current house! My brother and his wife make at least 5 times what Akinori and I do. Not that I even suggested they come out and visit us THIS year, but they could certainly afford to come out and visit us a lot more than we can afford to go and visit them.

I haven’t replied to my brother because I don’t know what to say. I can’t be in touch with him without getting really, really upset. It makes me really sad that my niece and nephew are going to grow up without the knowledge that they have another set of grandparents and an uncle and aunt and cousins who love them, and it makes me sad that my own children are going to grow up and not know their American uncle and aunt or cousins. I guess I just have to wait until the kids are a little older and can use Facebook or whatever, and keep in touch with them directly. That’s the only solution I can see because trying to maintain a relationship breaks my heart every single time I make an effort. I gotta stop doing this t0 myself!