Feeling grateful and a bit of a Facebook rant

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The other day, one of my dearest, sweetest friends sent me a message saying she had a crap day, and posted a Facebook status to that effect and one of her friends got on her case about it, and so she erased her status. That fucks me off for many reasons. 1. If you can’t feel free to post whatever the hell you like on your own wall, what is the point? 2. People have crap days. That does not mean they are not appreciative of all they have, but we are all human and we have a whole range of emotions from being grateful to being angry at the whole world. It doesn’t mean we feel that way all the time, or even most of the time, but if someone is having a crap day, let them feel sorry for themselves for a few hours! And if you’re a true friend, instead of trying to show them how selfish they are because they complained that their child wouldn’t eat a thing they cooked all day when there are starving children all over the world who don’t have clean water, give them a break, and try to cheer them up.

I realize there are people who use Facebook JUST to complain, or everything they post is negative, and I admit, I get a little tired of reading negative stuff ALL the time. But when I get tired of someone’s posts, I just tend to ignore them for awhile. No one is forcing anyone to comment on other people’s stuff. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all is a really great rule to live by 90% of the time! I do think that once in awhile people need a slap around the head to wake up and realize that they really do have it good because sometimes people just get into funks, but a negative status once in awhile, I think that should be well within anyone’s ability to forgive. And as I told me friend, I think it’s the people who are the most miserable who tend not to be able to forgive others when they post something negative because no one’s lives can be as miserable as theirs, so how dare anyone else complain that things are not perfect. I love Facebook, but sometimes I hate it. End of rant.

Onto being grateful, because most of the time I really am. But sometimes I am not. Especially these days with pregnancy hormones racing through me turning me into a mad bitch at times and a sweet little housewife and mother at others. I am finding it particularly difficult to be grateful we are having twins. Gasp! Shock! Horror! How dare I admit that?! Of course I am grateful that I am pregnant again, and that we have been so lucky in getting pregnant without much of a problem every time we’ve tried so far. But I have been reading lots of blogs by moms of twins lately, and many are quite religious, and they all say the same thing; “God would not have given us twins if he didn’t think we could handle them”, or something to that effect. It’s times like this I wish I was religious so that I could have that kind of blind confidence. But I am not religious and I’m not sure if I believe in one almighty God, though I’m pretty sure I don’t, but I’m happy being on the fence about my religious beliefs. I’m not looking for “God” or a religion to follow. I just wish I could feel a little more grateful that we are about to have two newborns in addition to our two toddlers. Don’t get me wrong I don’t feel completely ungrateful. I am grateful that I never have to be pregnant again to complete our family. I am grateful that I will be done having children before I’m 40. I am grateful that I will be able to go back to work earlier than planned, and I will be incredibly grateful to have two healthy babies. But there is a lot of scary stuff and worry involved too, much of it I’ve written about before.

Okay, so that last paragraph didn’t really cover what I am grateful for, it was almost the opposite, huh? But honestly, I am feeling incredibly grateful today, and I will tell you a few of the reasons why.

1. I am so, so, so grateful for my amazing and wonderful friends who keep offering to help before/during/after the babies come. Who offer to take the girls for me, who offer to come from as far away as Osaka, even when they have their own family, to help out me and mine, who offer to come and stay and look after things while I’m in hospital, who just give blank offers to let them know if I need anything. I am truly blessed in the friend department, and I have some amazing and wonderful people in my life and I love them beyond words. They make me feel better about my family’s ability to get through the birth of twins, no matter what it may bring.

2. I am grateful that Sara is an excellent big sister. As a daughter she can be trying and painful a LOT of the time. She can be pleasant and wonderful a lot of the time too, but as a big sister, she rocks! She wants to help Amelie do everything. I have to nag and nag for her to get herself dressed, but she is more than happy to help Amelie put her clothes, jacket, socks, etc. on. Even though Amelie can feed herself perfectly fine these days, Sara still wants to feed her and share her own food with her. If Amelie refuses to sit down in her car seat or put her coat on so we can leave the house, I usually threaten to leave without her, and either get into the driver’s seat and start the car, or start walking out the door without Amelie. Whatever the case, Sara will FREAK OUT! She starts screaming “NO! Don’t leave Amelie! Poor Amelie! Don’t leave her!” Or if I threaten Amelie with a time-out on the stairs, Sara goes nuts and says “Please don’t!” and then she’ll start pleading with Amelie for her to behave. Or the few times Amelie has been sent to time-out, Sara is the one who ends up crying hysterically. What I find most amazing is she doesn’t get jealous if Akinori and I are both doting on Amelie at the same time (which I try not to do, but sometimes when she’s acting silly it just happens), Sara joins in and dotes too. If Akinori is tickling Amelie and making her laugh, Sara doesn’t try to steal his attention for herself, she starts tickling Amelie and trying to make her laugh too. She is such a sweet, compassionate child with her sister. I am so happy they are such good friends and I hope they stay that way forever. And seeing Sara with Amelie makes me confident that she will be an excellent big sister to her two new siblings as well. I am so lucky to have her as my daughter.

3. I am so grateful that Amelie is finally over her cold and although she is still a bit surly and tantrums when she doesn’t get what she wants. She is back to being my sweet, silly girl for the majority of the time. She is so different to the way Sara was at this stage. It’s amazing how different their personalities are. I am grateful that Amelie is a cuddler and a hugger and a kisser and in general, a smiley, goofy kid. And the faces she makes! I wish I could remember to take more photos! I don’t know any other kids of the same age who make faces like Amelie makes. She is destined to be a clown I think. But she makes me laugh all the time. I don’t know what I would do without her sweet, calming effect on me.

4. I am grateful for my caring, sincere, loving husband. He drives me crazy 75% of the time, give or take a few percentage points, but lately I have been feeling very affectionate and loving towards him, more so than usual. And no, we have not been having international relations meetings more often, in fact, well, I won’t go there, but he’s so freaking afraid of hurting the babies (because of his superior male prowess? methinks not) that I’m not getting much affection *that* way lately 😦 He has tons of faults, as do we all, but I couldn’t do the child rearing thing without him, nor would I want to. Being a mom was never on my bucket list, before I got married and met Akinori anyway. But for him, he loves being a dad, and he loves his children. I think there are plenty of men who love their children, but I think it is far more difficult, especially in Japan, to find men who really love being a dad and love being with their children, and are good at it.

5. Just randomly I am grateful that we have a car, that is dinged up and dented (thanks mostly to yours truly) but it runs well and it’s warm in the winter. Today I went into 7-11 and came out 5 minutes later and it was crazy windy and raining a bit and I ran into the car with Amelie and turned it on, and there was lovely warm air coming out of the vents and the doors and windows were tightly closed and Amelie had her raisin bread, and I had my tuna sandwich, and I felt warm and snug and protected and grateful to have a car on such a blustery day. And then a warm house to go home to (no matter how much I don’t REALLY like the house, it is a roof over our heads and the heaters that we own do their job well, even if the house itself doesn’t).

This post has really been to one extreme and then the other. It’s just been that kind of a week so far. By the way, I’m also really grateful for all of the hits my blog has been getting recently. Kinda crazy how being pregnant with twins makes you popular all of a sudden πŸ˜‰ I’d be really grateful for comments too (hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

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About Brenda in Nagano

Originally from Chicago, I knew I was destined to spend the rest of my life in Japan the moment I set foot in the country at the tender age of 16. However, I was quite intent on spending that rest of my life in a major city with a full on career, until my Japanese Prince Charming came trotting down from the mountains of Nagano to sweep me off my feet and whisk me away, turning my whole life plan on its head. Two months after moving to Nagano I gave birth to our little Princess Charming, so now I am officially a SAHM and teach a little belly dance on the side.

9 responses »

  1. Love the honesty. Facebook is such a double edged sword. If that’s what you call something good or bad?!? No? Well you get my point! I agree that everything has a balance. Nobody can be positive or negative all the time. It just isn’t normal. And if we thought how grateful we were all the time, nobody would ever moan because we are all alive!

    Love that Sara is so protective of Amelie. Luka gets cross with Hannah a lot, but if I or my husband scold her, he’s always got her back. So sweet.

    • I think double-edged sword is a good description πŸ™‚ Sounds right to me! And yes, I agree with everything you said! Isn’t it nice to see siblings getting along? There are so many instances when they don’t, and it makes me so sad and frustrated, it makes the times that they do just melt your heart.

  2. I agree about facebook being a double edged sword… some days I think to myself I am not going to take a break from facebook because I honestly think I share too much but then I crave the companionship I get from it and I am back at it again XD

    I think Sara sounds like a perfect big sister… she actually sounds a lot like Leilah. Leilah is such a handful for me to look after but she is the best big sister I know. She is so kind and caring towards Kai – and so helpful too. A true blessing!!

    Your comments about being grateful for your warm car reminded me of my childhood when my mum and I would drive from Stanthorpe to Brisbane (about 300kms) in a car without a heater. We would be piled up with blankets and still freeze!! It was awful!

    I’m sorry I don’t comment a lot… I am reading though πŸ™‚

    • I can totally relate to how you feel about Facebook, and not a day goes by when I don’t spend hours on it, but I may not update my own status or post any photos for several days at a time. I feel perfectly justified commenting on others’ stuff, I just don’t want anyone commenting on my life ;P Kind of like commenting on blogs? I read lots of them, but I rarely comment. Such a hypocrite, I know. So I totally get that people don’t comment on my blog, even if they are reading. But I still like getting comments πŸ™‚ Thanks for commenting tonight!

      I was really worried before Amelie was born about what kind of big sister Sara would be, but my Japanese sister assured me that oldest children are born first for a reason and Sara would be an amazing big sister. I’m sure the same is true of Leilah!

  3. I love listening to Shou and Marina doing the big sister and big brother thing for Ryu. Melts my heart. Doesn’t happen very often but still I am very grateful that they have finally hit the age where, if the wind is blowing in the right direction, and the stars are all aligned, they will all play nicely together. Started when Ryu was about 3. Being a great dad is, I agree, such a great thing – and more of a rarity in Japan compared to our home countries. 75% of the time is good. Pity he thinks he’ll knock the twins out with an international relations meeting :p

    FB annoys me no end sometimes but like you say, just stop reading if its too negative. Obviously sometimes though I feel the need to comment on things I should just ignore.

    And it IS God’s intentions Brenda.

    rah rah, whatever.

    You just let me know when its all getting a bit much and you need me to have a bottle of wine for you and on your behalf and in your honor. And if that means having a bottle for each twin then I’m sure I can take that kind of thing for the team you know.

    I can’t believe you’re in your second trimester already. Gahhhh. Its all going so fast and its all very exciting. My sister had a baby a few days ago and lots of people are pregnant and all I can say is thank God my husband is in a different hemisphere at the moment.

    xxx

    • I’d like to start requesting bottles of wine be drunken in my place IMMEDIATELY! I’m sure as excited Sara is about the babies, some kind of switch has gone off within her and she is regressing into a baby. I cannot take the screaming and crying and tantruming from her anymore. Thank god it’s Friday and Akinori will be home all weekend. I so wish I could drink. A LOT! Therefore you Katy, you must do it for me!! Please! And eat lots of chicken kebabs! I’m so jealous you have a kebab place right around the corner from you!! You have your mission, please don’t disappoint me. πŸ˜‰

      I can’t believe I’m in the 2nd trimester either! Neither 1/2 through even! I’m still not convinced you won’t actually have another. In 5 years or so I’ll be convinced. πŸ˜‰

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