January – Akinori and I decided it was time to seriously start thinking about making baby #3. Amelie celebrated her 1st birthday. And that’s about all I remember from January.
February – I gave up breastfeeding at the end of the month in an effort to bring my period back since it wasn’t returning on its own. That was heartbreaking and stressful and Akinori was so unsupportive at the beginning it was shocking. It took a massive argument, but he was back on board for day 2, and I got a night away in a hotel with extremely painful boobs.
March – Period came back! We got a phone call asking if we would like to be the subjects of a short TV documentary. Sara attended her last month of daycare. I attended the annual AFWJ convention in Shikoku, sans husband or kids and had a lovely weekend away.
April – Sara started kindergarten. We lost Akinori’s grandfather. He was sick with the flu which turned into pneumonia, went into the hospital and just as they were talking of releasing him, he passed. He was nearly 91 years old, and such a sweet man. The hardest part was seeing Akinori’s father and his great-uncle, Ojiichan’s younger brother, cry. In happier news for the month, Akinori turned 40! The camera crew (well, cameraman and director) followed us around for 2 weeks. Met up with a wonderful bunch of blogging women at the military base in Fussa and had a fantastic time. Found out I was pregnant! It helped me feel loads less guilty for pulling the boob away from Amelie so suddenly and obviously against her will.
May – I had my 37th birthday and on my birthday received the news that my pregnancy was not viable, requiring a D&C a few days later. Sad times. The TV documentary aired the day of the D & C, and originally at the end of the program we announced the pregnancy, but the director was kind enough to edit that part out for us at the very last minute. You can see the documentary here, if you haven’t had the pleasure yet. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1w6AR9Odx0
June – Sara and Amelie got their first ever, and so far last modeling job. And that is about all that stands out in June for me. I had to go and check my Facebook timeline to even find that little bit of news.
July – Nothing. I had two belly dance performances. The year didn’t get really exciting until the latter part anyway.
August – I took the girls to Kyushu for a week which was lovely. I got to see some lovely blogging/Facebook/AFWJ friends, didn’t have to cook, clean or even take care of my own children for an entire week. Bliss! The train ride back from Kyushu was a nightmare however, and I was sad to be brought back so abruptly to reality. The day after getting back (?) I did an HPT and found out I was once again pregnant. It was the first cycle after my D&C so I was quite surprised at how quickly we got pregnant again and I was really, really nervous and scared about it. A day or two after I found out, and before I was able to get to the dr. I had to go away to interpret at Summer Sonic. At least I was assigned to a really nice band and they were so easy to work with, but the morning sickness had already started and I was feeling tired and shitty the entire weekend. When I got back I went to the dr. who confirmed the pregnancy, but it was still too early to see a gestational sac, and so I spent the next week freaking out, until my next appointment when we did see a sac, and then I was freaking out a little less.
September – We got to see the baby’s heartbeat, and I was finally able to relax about the pregnancy, but mid-month Akinori dropped an enormous bomb on me about a huge financial fuck-up he made over a year ago and had been keeping secret from me. Our marriage hit an absolute low, and I found myself in a place I didn’t think I would ever see. September definitely goes down as one of the worst months of my entire life. I can think of a few lows in my life, and this past September is definitely on the worst (top?) 10 list. The whole affair was too awful to talk about or even write about on my blog. Frankly, it was a huge blow to our marriage, and being lied to and having your trust taken advantage of by someone you love, sucks. We’ve been able to move past it, but I wouldn’t say it has made our marriage stronger. It has just given me a better idea of what our marriage is able to endure, and perhaps how strong it was to begin with?
October – I went in to the OB/GYN for what was supposed to be my last appointment before switching over to the midwife clinic where I gave birth to Amelie when the doctor finds a second baby hiding out in my womb and I am switched to the big Red Cross hospital. I have never been more shocked in my life than when I received that news. Horrifically, my first thought was, “how on earth are we going to afford twins?”, but Akinori was thrilled. I spent most of the month of October freaking out. We decided to put Amelie in daycare full-time from January, and had a bit of difficulty finding a place, but finally managed. I had a really fun interpreting job that took me away for 4 days, so that turned out to be a really nice break from all of the madness at the time, and also a really nice source or unexpected income. I also started teaching two new belly dance classes at a culture school.
November – I lost my friend Chris to cancer. He was only 34 and far too young to die. He was such a beautiful soul and so many of my friends still have his photo as their own Facebook profile photos that it is often a shock to see his face pop up all over the place. I stumbled on a photo he commented on the other day and the comment made me smile, like so many of his comments did, but the thought that he won’t be making anymore made me sad beyond words. I hope he is resting peacefully and painlessly and singing with the other angels, because he was an amazing singer and performer. I was also in a car accident with a taxi. No one was hurt, really, although our insurance company is still paying hospital bills for the poor driver’s pain and suffering. Poo! I am very careful now to avoid driving behind or in front of taxis.
December – Sara turned 4!!! I still cannot believe that! She is will always be my baby, which I have her saying now all the time too, but I am not prepared for her to get much older. I don’t know how I will face her 5th birthday. I have started to feel the babies moving around tons and tons and that has been really fun. I am trying to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy, knowing it is my last, but being pregnant with twins is hard. I am out of breath a lot. I need to lie down a lot. I will have bursts of energy, but they end quickly. My tummy popped towards the beginning of the month and it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Kind of crazy the growth from the beginning of the month to now. I am currently trying to decide what hospital is really the best option for me to give birth the way I want to, and I’m sure that saga will continue into the new year so stay tuned.
It has been one helluva year! The ups were way high up and the downs were way down low. One long, crazy roller coaster ride. I’m sure next year is going to have plenty more of the same, but hopefully the lows won’t be nearly as low and we’ll have lots more highs. I can’t believe at this time next year the 2 kidlets running around making noise, pulling out all the toys after I just cleaned them up, will be FOUR! We have survived though, and I’m sure we’ll survive next year too. Hopefully THRIVE through next year. There have been amazing people making appearances here and there and throughout everything letting me know I am not alone in this mess, no matter how lonesome it feels sometimes, and I don’t think I would have managed without them. Thank you! I won’t last through the next year without you either, so don’t go anywhere!
Wishing you and yours a very happy New Year and an amazing 2013!