Will it be today?

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That’s what I wake up thinking every day. It’s not too far fetched to think that it could happen any day now really, even though the thought scares the shit out of me. But Baby A’s head isn’t engaged yet, so I’m guessing we still have some time. I remember being able to feel Amelie’s head being way down low, like so it was impossible for me to close my legs, for at least a few days before she was born. I guess we will see where we are on Thursday at my next appointment. I’ll be 33 weeks. My goal is to stay out of the hospital until at least 35 weeks. All in all, I guess I’m still feeling pretty good, but I really overdid yesterday and I didn’t even do all that much.

Since the girls have been sick, I have been stuck at home with them, and the weather was so beautiful for most of last week and it really felt like torture to be stuck inside. Obviously I’m not all that active anyway, but I was sorely lacking in Vitamin D. Thursday Amelie was still really poorly off. She had a high fever all day and slept on and off most of the day, so the day was mostly spent keeping Sara occupied and quiet so Amelie could get some rest. Friday however, Amelie woke up fever free and with a huge smile on her face, just raring to go. Of course she wasn’t 100% yet, and is still on meds and the Tamiflu is making her nuts! Way more hyper than she normally is and kind of off kilter, so she keeps bumping into stuff and falling over. The two of them would play something together, then fight, then cry, repeat, ALL BLOODY DAY! It was freaking exhausting!

Sara took a nap just after lunch, but Amelie was high from the meds and couldn’t fall asleep until about 4:30 in the afternoon, even though she was so, so tired. It was just miserable! I wanted to take a nap when the girls slept too, but since they wouldn’t sleep together that didn’t happen. Akinori called on his way home to say he had Saturday off and I started crying I was so relieved. I keep forgetting I’m pregnant, you wouldn’t think it’s possible, but it is, and beat myself up for not being able to handle both girls on my own, and then I remember how enormous I am, and how hard it is just for me to pull myself out of bed and down the stairs in the morning and I realize that dealing with 2 young children in my state is really quite a feat, and maybe I should be a little easier on myself. And while Akinori has been great in that he’s made dinner for all of us every night this week, it’s never ready until like 8 p.m. and we are all starving by then. Plus he’s all super worried about getting the flu himself, which I get, it would be bad if he got the flu, but we would manage. I need help NOW!

Anyway, by the time Friday was over, I had had it with everything. The girls had had it too. We were all sick of being stuck inside. And I’ve once again hit the weepy stage and everything and anything was making me cry. Yesterday morning, Saturday, we woke up and the weather was cooler, but sunny and Akinori looks outside and says “Wow, it’s great weather”, and I said “Great, I’m going out.” And he starts laughing at me, and I lost it on him. Probably completely unnecessary as he wasn’t intending to give me a hard time, I don’t think, but I just could not stay inside a minute longer. I’m not the sick one and normally the girls are at their respective schools all day long, so spending time with them is a pleasure, but by day 3 of 24/7 with both of them and day 5 of 24/7 with Sara, I need a break!

I had planned on going to Starbucks and reading a book maybe, but it was right around lunch time when I finally got out of the house, so I went and got myself some lunch at MosBurger and enjoyed fries AND onion rings 🙂 Living life on the edge, I know. Akinori called just as I finished eating to tell me that Amelie was going nuts from the medicine and was alternately hyper and crying for mommy. Ummmm, and? I explained she had been the same the day before, and crying for daddy when he wasn’t around. I had been gone an hour at the most at that point. I was not finished being on my own. So Akinori then starts going on about what groceries we need. I guess he thought I had planned on going grocery shopping. I had planned to get some household stuff, but I wasn’t really keen on walking around a grocery store. In the end I figured if it was going to buy my time on my own, I could handle it.

I was wrong. I started feeling lightheaded pretty much as soon as I got into the store, but I managed. What I wasn’t prepared for was all the staring. My stomach is pretty freaking huge, and I’m a not-so-small foreigner to begin with, but I don’t normally get nearly the amount of stares and gawking I got yesterday. I’m pretty sure everyone thought I was about to go into labor right then and there. By the end, I was afraid I might too. I was shopping for maybe 30 minutes? Maybe a little longer, but by the time I got home I could no longer move my legs, and I couldn’t breath sitting or standing or laying down on my side. I felt pretty stupid for thinking I could handle it, and without any repercussions on my body afterward. My body was really hating me last night. It did feel great to get out of the house though. But Akinori also mentioned that he didn’t like the idea of me going out alone like that for long periods of time. If we were together, he could help me, but if something happened to me while out, and I had the car things would be messier, which is something I hadn’t thought about.

Sara goes back to kindy tomorrow though and it is not a moment too soon! The first few days were great spending all that time together, but the last two mornings she has woken up and the first words out of her mouth are “Can I go to kindergarten today?”  We are all ready for a little normalcy to come back into our lives. Today is Amelie’s last dose of Tamiflu, thank goodness, and then the daycare will take her back on Wednesday, so two days at home alone with Amelie. At least it will be an unmedicated Amelie, so that should be pretty easy to handle, I hope! I have a translation and a proofreading project coming in tomorrow, and I need to be able to get some work done during the day, as well as after the girls go to bed.

Once this work is finished I am going to really concentrate on getting things ready for the boys. We have boxes of clothes from so many generous people, and stuff I’ve bought second hand, and it’s all still sitting in boxes. I really need to get it organized! I am starting to freak out about giving birth again too. Last night I had a minor freak out and some tears. I can’t remember the pain exactly, but I can remember thinking “I never want to do this again” directly after Amelie’s birth. Sometimes I think, “I can handle it. The really painful part isn’t all that long anyway.” And then I think about how I will have to give birth in an operating room on an operating table this time, and not the comfort of the midwife clinic in whatever position I want, and I get scared again that the atmosphere is going to stress me out and make it drag out and more painful. It’s always at night that I have these freak outs too. Everything’s worse at night, isn’t it? Ready or not, I’m giving these boys their eviction notice in exactly 30 days!

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About Brenda in Nagano

Originally from Chicago, I knew I was destined to spend the rest of my life in Japan the moment I set foot in the country at the tender age of 16. However, I was quite intent on spending that rest of my life in a major city with a full on career, until my Japanese Prince Charming came trotting down from the mountains of Nagano to sweep me off my feet and whisk me away, turning my whole life plan on its head. Two months after moving to Nagano I gave birth to our little Princess Charming, so now I am officially a SAHM and teach a little belly dance on the side.

8 responses »

  1. You poor woman. I hope you can have some serious rest time before all this goes down – with no sick children and your hub cooking dinner. Keep that set up going 🙂 He’ll have to when the boys arrive anyway so he may as well not lose his momentum now.
    xxx

    • Thanks! I think we are settled into the hub cooking meals pattern quite nicely at this point. He came home last night and just assumed the responsibility, didn’t even ask what we we should do for dinner, my least favorite question in the world perhaps. I really, really shouldn’t complain, but this means we are now also settled into a pattern of cream stew, curry, udon, ramen, possibly hamburgers, repeat until I feel like cooking again.

  2. what a week!! Finding the balance between some alone time sanity and not overdoing it and being safe as well must be tough. 😦

    Sara got relenza but Amelie got Tamiflu? From the same place? Poor thing feeling so crap and then having side effects from the Tamiflu to boot. Here’s hoping it’s a quiet week this time around!

    • Actually Sara and Amelie go to 2 different peds. Silly, I know. When Sara was born we took her to the nearest ped. and Amelie had to go to the ped. associated with the midwife clinic for her 1 week and 1 month check-ups, so we just kept taking her there. But Amelie’s dr. said that kids need to be able to use the inhaler to take Relenza, so they don’t prescribe to kids under 5 anyway. Sara ended up blowing instead of sucking a few of her doses :/ Amelie is back to hoikuen tomorrow! Yippee!

    • Thank you! There’s been a weird twist of miraculous fate, and the largish translation that was supposed to arrive yesterday afternoon is late upon arrival, which means the delivery date has also been postponed and tomorrow will be child-free. My body is hating me, but the gods of work are smiling down upon me 🙂

  3. Oh my! You have panic attacks when you think of the birthing itself? This makes me somehow happy, that I would have a Ceasarean. If I ever get pregnant, that is. 😀 But surely I wouldn’t have panic because of some anesthetics.
    I hope for you, the birth will be over quickly. Though I don’t think that’s probably. There are two of them!

    • There are so many unknowns about giving birth, it’s a pretty daunting and scary task, and by that I mean each birth is different, you never know how your birth will go. I think you might feel a little different if you were pregnant and about to give birth, even if it is through a Caesarean. My doctor seems to think my birth will go very quickly because I have given birth twice before and both times were relatively quick labors, and twins tend to be smaller and born earlier which means the labors are even faster, even with two.

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